The Fourth Watch

iPhone Notes 12:30am March 29

My father told me the story of the fourth watch. To reiterate: this is a break down of time and episodes. The first watch, is like working the standard hours of the day 9-5. The second being 5-10 maybe, and the third to the fourth being the very last hours of the night before the return of the day. These hours are a metaphor for the times in our lives when we feel we are waiting for the lord to step into our lives to help us. My father told me something curious, that it's actually not the first, nor second or even third watch the lord steps in. That instead, he waits, and waits, until finally we may not be able to go any much farther at all before he comes to us. He then said that sometimes it even feels like the sixth or seventh watch before that happens. And he leaves us, simply so that we learn to get onto our own two feet. My father then said that the only exception to the fourth watch rule, is in the matter of repentance. I recently had the smallest of experiences with this. Simply "choosing" to repent is sometimes not enough. Decisions these days seem to be exceptionally fleeting. We change our minds all the time. But, while I was sitting in my bed one night, feeling sad, alone, discouraged, I decided to pick up a book called Mere Christianity by CSLewis. It's not the bible or the Book of Mormon, but in my heart I knew that I wanted to make to change, to be connected and feel the spirit again. It had been 2 or 3 days since I had officially "decided" this. Yet, it wasn't until this small act that I found that tiny whisper. In the preface of the book, Lewis talks of a house. He says that there are many people in the main hall of the house undecided about what door to go into, and there are many doors, but that even the worst door, is better than being undecided. He says some may wait in the hall for a considerable amount of time, but that if you are waiting, it is simply because God saw fit that it would be good for you to wait. He then warned, however that we must regard the hall as waiting and not camping. To quote, he says, "You must keep on praying for light: and, of course, even in the hall, you must begin trying to obey the rules which are common to the whole house. And above all you must be asking which door is the true one." And there it was, my answer. And my dad was right. In the smallest of decisions for repentance, or choosing a door, I saw a flicker, a tiny bead, of what can be described as having no sense at all except that I felt the light, that indescribable sort of calm and peace and hope that in one word is called "spirit". And that is my testimony of the fourth watch. Not that he is waiting to extend his hand, but actually just waiting for you to extend yours. And I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ amen. 

M